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Second John


Once in a great city upon a hill, which served as a beacon in the night, known as Capo, a great, thin, bursting ray of light entered the halls and passageways of this dark community. The MEH Guru had come. He had come partially to find his only Earthly Pedagogue at that time, Pedagogue John McLeod. He had come partially to recruit more Disciples of MEH. He had come partially to add to the Multitudes of MEH. He had come mostly to find his long lost history textbook written by some minor deity named only Blum.

Anyway, this holy and holey light grew and spread about the institution, giving wisdom to all listeners, casting aside disbelievers in this mission to spread the Word of MEH. The MEH Guru, in his infinitely compulsive way, quickly recruited two more believers and called unto them and gave them a mission to join humble man John in spreading the Gospel of MEH. The Guru placed upon these two a title. They were to be henceforth Pedagogues of MEH, like John. The three great teachers went forth to teach, and pick up young women.

The original Pedagogue John went forth into the underworld of Capo to speak with the intellectuals. He went unto them and so spake,

"Cast aside your polygamous beliefs! Stop worshipping the meaningless and hypnotizing entities of MTV, the Mall, and Politically Correct agendas! Turn to the Word! Try MEH!"

The intellectuals looked amongst themselves and found that they too could speak, and thus they did so.

"We have heard your word, and do not need it. Madonna is our god. We live for peace, legalized drugs, commercial TV, and Top 40 music."

John beseeched these disbelievers with the true Word of MEH and the news of the Guru. He begged and pleaded for them to change their misguided and economically destructive ways. He urged them to embrace MEH.

"My friends, my fellow citizens, my my, escape from these dank, dark chasms of evil and disgust, and learn to live with the Way of MEH."

Again the non-believers looked amongst themselves and spake against the truth. The voices of dissent, the voices sensing the true light, these were silenced by the resistance leaders, Rebecca and Dale.

Then Pedagogue John looked around in frustration and anger, casting his sight to where he hoped to see the Guru, but the Guru was not there. He was out to lunch with an attractive high school teacher. Pedagogue John knew what to do, however. He faced the intellectuals once again and spoke at length a lengthy speech including many suggestive phrases and expletives deleteds and threats of violence. In conclusion, he summed up all frustration, anger, pity, and flavors of pudding in one earthshaking blast of one simple syllable.

"MEH!"

The crowd stood very still, their mouths agape and empty. Pedagogue John noticed the effect and again spoke the Ultimate Word.

The disbelievers fell to their knees, screaming in terror and confusion, asking for salvation and the joys of MEH. Pedagogue John looked them over and accepted all those who truly wished to learn and grow. These nodded their heads in promises of loyalty and rushed forward to thank John. The throng of the new Multitudes of MEH stampeded towards John, and he felt a momentary fear of death. He asked them to stop. They came on. The uncensored version of John's short life flashed before his eyes as the new converts, caught up in the joy and wisdom of MEH, quickly closed in.

Desperately John yelled the Ultimate Word, and the Multitudes began begging and whining and groveling once again. Pedagogue sighed and gave them words of parting.

"Go, spread MEH. Practice the word MEH. Live the Word of MEH. Serve the Disciples and obey the Pedagogues and trust, love, seek, the MEH Guru. Now my brothers and sisters, go forth and fertilize the grounds with the seeds of MEH."

The merry crowd left exhilarated and followed John's orders. MEH became a joyous part of the lives of each, except perhaps for a few like the resisters Rebecca and Dale, who had slithered away, trying to get others to bite their shiny apple and ignore MEH. And yet, the truth was mightier, and did prevail.

Meh.